Why You’re Still Stuck (Even After Doing All the Work)

00:00 - Dr. Andrea Moore (Host)
What does it mean to be stuck? If you're anything like me, it means feeling like you are banging your head against a brick wall, that, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, no matter how perfectly you're following the protocols, the course, the self-help book, it's not moving the needle forward, that you're not moving towards what it is you actually want to do For everyone. This is going to look a little different. What they're stuck is and what they're stuck is in looks different. But here's what I found over 20 years of doing this work, both studying it and working directly with hundreds, hundreds of clients is that it comes down to the same little snippet that is keeping us stuck and this piece, this thing that keeps us in this stuck zone, whether we are stuck trying to fight and get out of chronic pain, chronic anxiety, out of depression, out of just feeling like aimless and like we don't know what to do with our lives, stuck with a messy house, stuck people pleasing, stuck, overachieving, stuck, go, go, go, go, going. Stuck in a type of parenting that's not working for you, stuck in a relationship that's not working for you, whatever you're stuck is, it is in this piece that is so missing from so much healing work even trauma-informed work, from therapy, things like that that when I get my clients through this piece, the world opens up, and today I want to talk and dive into that more. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the Unweaving Chronic Pain Podcast. I am your host, dr Andrea Moore, and today I'm here to get you unstuck. 

02:08
I find those who are stuck fall in one of two categories or, honestly, sometimes a mixture of both. I have this large category. This is a lot of my one-on-one clients and I love working with. These clients have done all the courses, all the healing work. When it's a chronic pain specific client, it's like they have worked with Sarno himself or any of his protégés. They have worked with Schubiner and all of these people who are incredibly I won't go and name all the names famous and well known in the chronic pain world for being the answer, and yet they're still stuck. Or maybe they've kind of taken a different route to their chronic pain and they have seen all the physical therapists, chiropractors, orthopedic surgeons, doctorate acupuncturists, whatever, and again they're still stuck. 

02:57
I also see this for those who are stuck in emotional pain. This is a lot of where I was were stuck in emotional pain. This is a lot of where I was is doing deep dives into self-help, self-awareness, trauma-informed work, done all the inner child healing, meditation, or at least attempted to do these things. Took course after course after course, read book after book after book, and yet they're still feeling stuck. Life is not what they thought it would be like, it's not what was promised from those things, so kind of a very I don't. If you know me, you know I don't like to put anyone into a bag. I think we're all incredibly unique people, but let's kind of put this in a very broad general basket of people like those stuck in healing. 

03:42
And then the other category of people I also work with a lot are those stuck in the doing, in the overachieving, in the basically as again, that broad basket of like what the patriarchy or what society or what their family has decided is the right path for them, or what they have decided is what their life needs to look like. And they are stuck in the often perfectionism of that Like I have to be this kind of parent, this kind of worker, this kind of friend, this kind of spouse, and they're stuck in it and they think by working harder, trying harder, you know, just regulating their system more or just figuring out how to even be a better person. So much can be rooted in like things that all sound really, really good. In trying to people please more, if I could, just, you know, get smarter. Whatever it is, it's often in that if I could just, then all right. If you have that, then you know what it's like to be stuck. It's like this hamster wheel trying harder, doing more, even if those doing more is I need to do quote unquote more rest. Often we're stuck in self-judgment and overthinking and rumination and spiraling and you're kind of just trapped in your own head. Often, again, both of these categories all come down to the same piece that they are missing. Although it might be in different flavors or look different, slightly different, it's coming from all the same place and that's really where I have found one is missed most. 

05:22
But I also just love working with and clients have told me when I'm working with them that they have again been doing therapy for 20-30 years, have done I mean, course after course and they're like nobody is talking about this. So I really wanted to hone down on this piece more than anything and create something special for those that have been feeling stuck, been feeling like something is missing. If you listen to the last podcast episode, I briefly announced it, but this is where I started deciding where I was going to create a new course from, and I wanted to make this course different than the other courses and other work that I've done. I wanted to make this one super accessible, fairly short and easy to you know move through. Not this like massive deep dive, because I love the nuance, I love the deep dives, but I have found in working with some people that all they need is this mindset shift, this reframe, and a couple simple tools and like they're good to go and then they can go and do whatever it is. It's like in the getting unstuck. It opens up this world and maybe they still need to go and do deeper healing work or learn a new skill or you know you still need to. You know now they're ready to unclutter their whole house or deep dive into the parenting skills they want to. Right like this is where it's not going to be specific on where you're trying to go. It's giving you that window to go, do the things and then they can go. Just do it. 

06:54
All of a sudden it makes sense why let's use a house example, because it's easy, right? Let's say you are someone who you know, like me, not queen of organization, okay and you're like I just really want to get more organized, declutter my house, be able to do that. But every time you try you get stuck right. So it's like you've bought all those courses on decluttering and have this step-by-step of how to clean out your house and here's exactly how you do it. And you're in this course and there's all these people that are like oh my god, the system is amazing. It changed my life. All I did is implement it and like now my house is so clean and you're like the fuck is wrong with me. Why can I not implementing it? Why is it that all these other people can seem to be doing it and I can't? What is wrong with me? Here's what I find Because they are missing the piece that I'm about to tell you about and created a whole course about. 

07:45
And when they do that, all of a sudden, now they can implement what's in the course. Right, it's not like learning the skill makes your house clean. It's that learning the skill is what opens the window for you to go carry out what it is that you've been wanting to do. It's exactly what all my clients it's like. Often when I'm done with a one-on-one client, they're like they describe it as like, oh my gosh, now like I can go do the thing I've wanted to do. They describe the sense of agency and capability and the stepping into this like grounded, adult self that they never had access to. And some it can take some deeper work to get there. But again, like I've said, I've also worked with some where it's like I have one session with them and that's all that. They just needed to know this piece. So, anyways, that is what I created a course about and I want to tell you both a little bit about this course and also give you some you know, just information today that's going to help you identify if this is what's right for you, if this is what's been keeping you stuck, if you relate to this. All right, ultimately, this episode is for the person who you do have an idea of where you want to go, and I do want to make one caveat about that, about that. You can even that can even apply if you don't know exactly where you want to go, but you know that you want to have somewhere clear you're moving towards. I say this caveat because this was me and I don't think this is talked about enough either is and I still struggle with it and in like different areas, I've gotten much better in some areas and it still remains true and I still use this piece when I'm dealing with that. 

09:31
Stuckness is sometimes. It's like so often when you take these courses like define your why, define your North Star, define you know your end goal and you're like I fucking don't know what my end goal is. Here's a hint your end goal can be that I have a clear end goal, that I know my why. So if you don't know exactly where you want to go, have, but you're like I know that I want to have somewhere that I want to go to, that that's enough, that is enough. You don't have to know the exact thing, it's just that you know that you want more purpose or kind of more mission or more direction in life. That counts here, okay, 100% counts. Make that your goal for now. Make that your north star, okay, anyways, okay. 

10:11
So this episode is for the person who knows where they want to go but cannot seem to take the next step. It's not because you don't care. It's not for lack of trying, but it feels like there's something invisible that's literally holding you back. Or again, you feel like you are banging up against a wall and I want to take a moment to normalize this I call this the stuck zone and be like, if this is you, you're not lazy, you are not broken, there's nothing wrong with you. It's not that you need more discipline and willpower or, honestly, those are things that I actually more discipline and willpower or, honestly, those are things that I actually. More discipline is something that I have been actively working towards, but I was stuck from getting more discipline. I was in a loop, right, I can't have more discipline to get more discipline. You know, when I worked with this, all of a sudden discipline became accessible to work on. 

11:20
So we've talked about some, but I want to just get clear on what can be patterns that keep you in the stuck zone. Now, no one pattern that I mention is in itself, problematic. It is the energy behind which we are doing that pattern that can be problematic. So, for example, maybe you're actually meditation is keeping you in the stuck zone. What can that look like? It looks like oh well, maybe if I meditate more, I can get myself in the right state to. We'll just keep using the house example to finally clean my house. All right, so you're meditating so that you can clean your Right. So you're meditating so that you can clean your house, but because you're meditating, it's like you're never actually cleaning your house Right. Or it's like I got to heal my inner child before I can actually clean my house type thing. It's like oh, I feel like this, this type of healing work or this type of state needs to be achieved before I can take action. You're constantly journeying to find the answer instead of feeling the feeling. Now. 

12:16
I find this really, really common for those stuck in the healing world who have been to a lot of therapy, especially when you can name all your patterns and you can be like oh, here's exactly what happened when I was a child, and this and this and this and this, but none of it has helped you get unstuck. Oh my gosh, do you need this course that I'm going to present to you at the end, because when you kind of click in this piece, all that therapy you've done will just open up. It's like a floodgate of like oh my gosh, now I can actually take action and do something with all of this. Otherwise you just are stuck in the rumination and the pattern of it and the naming it, but never in the like actually breaking it. Another pattern is overachieving to outrun. Shame, I want to say, because I think this is being demonized more and more. 

13:00
Nothing is wrong with wanting to get shit done and do amazing shit in this world. I don't know where somehow the healing world started to be like. Striving is bad, oh my gosh. I'm sorry that couldn't be further from the truth. Striving is human. Striving can give us purpose. Going out and creating things and doing things is amazing. However, not when it's at the expense of ourselves or because we're trying to shut down feelings or we're doing it that in a way that's not in alignment for our true selves, right? So it's like if you're in this, go, go, go. 

13:40
If you are someone who's like, oh, I can't like fall asleep because I'm ruminating, my thoughts are too loud, so I kind of need to constantly have noise because being alone with my thoughts is scary, again, this course is for you, and all the go go going that it's being done to quiet your thoughts is keeping you stuck and again, also just nervous system work in general, trying to regulate away your emotions. That has just become another self-improvement weapon. All of that keeps us stuck striving we just talked about it in like a, when it can be done in a positive way, but striving for a version of yourself that is not truly you is obviously also a weapon that we can use against ourselves and keeps us stuck right. It's like this tension between our system of like one part is being torn in one direction, trying to be forced in one direction. The rest of like no, no, no, that's not us. So journaling, meditation, nervous system work these things can be beautiful. Achieving um, putting things out there in the world all these things can be beautiful, but only when you're actually meeting yourself underneath the doing and understand the intention behind it, and it's in an aligned place. 

14:55
So what is the big shift here? It is true, embodied self-contact, true meeting yourself in an actual way, and I think this is what's tough here is that I have a lot of people who come to me who say I have been doing this work and then, when we start to do the work and we have sessions and I'm guiding them through, they're like I have never done anything like this. I'm not gonna lie, kind of mini self, mini rant here. I don't know what other people do, I'm not in other people's sessions, but I know I've had clients who have taken, like, who've done somatic experiencing work and you know, trauma healing work, and I will introduce them to some to what I feel are very, very basic trauma informed somatic concepts and they're like I have never done anything like this. So all I can say I cannot speak. I think there are some amazing other programs. By no means do I think I'm the only one talking about this. 

16:05
But if you feel like you've been doing the work and it hasn't been making a difference, or you feel like there's a lot of tension in your body while you're doing it, this is the piece that's missing. And again, what I find for a lot of those clients is that they can then take what we've done and it actually helps them access some great practices that other courses have provided to them. Sometimes they'd be like, oh wait, so you know, this course actually told me what about this, this and this? And you know, is that OK to do? And I'm like, if it feels good, sure. And all of a sudden, when we, when I give them this piece, it opens that up. To do so I've never necessarily. I mean, there are some shit out there. Let's be real. I'm not demonizing any one practice or saying anything is wrong. It's that when it is done from a certain energy, when it's missing this piece, it just doesn't work. 

16:51
And so often people think they're meeting themselves, but what they are is just meeting their cognitive thoughts and they're spiraling about something and it feels like self-awareness and it is a degree of self-awareness, but it's still stuck in our head. Meeting yourself actually means being with what's true in your body, whatever it is ultimately, without judgment about, without shame, and being able to fully move through and express it. So often people meet themselves, feel something and want to change it or fix it, versus allowing themselves to move through it. Meeting yourself takes bringing on this wonder driven mind, which is one of the concepts that I teach within this course, this meet yourself course. Meeting yourself involves being with some really actually often incredibly intense, uncomfortable, dark emotions and building the capacity to be with them and fully feel and move through them, not get stuck in them, and that is what frees yourself. 

18:00
So in the course, I provide an entire guided process of meeting yourself, one that you can do over and over, where we start to actually empty out this emotional landfill that we have and actually build our capacity to feel and meet ourselves landfill that we have and actually build our capacity to feel and meet ourselves. Ultimately, it's about letting go of performance and choosing presence. I want to invite you to do a mini microdose right now of just taking a breath, saying hello to your body, just noticing one thing that comes up. Maybe it's openness. Openness, maybe it's a lot of tension, and can you just stay with it without needing to fix it, without needing it to be different, without needing to understand why it's there. Right, this is one tiny micro dose of meeting yourself. We want to take ourselves through a process like this, slowly, accessibly, compassionately, and, again, that is where I go into way more depth in the actual course. 

19:11
Now, the other thing that I offer within the Meet Yourself course is bringing this work into daily life, because the other piece that I find is missing is that often this meeting yourself, this healing work, it starts to be done in this very siloed way, where maybe we have a meditation session or a journaling session, but then, like, we're in daily life and we don't know how to like bring it into our day within the course. I give you a meet yourself practice that is kind of like that. It is like kind of a silo. Obviously you have to set aside time to do it and have this like beautiful time with yourself or really uncomfortable time with yourself that opens up things. But then I am also giving you these one minute interrupts that you get to use throughout your day. 

20:01
That wire in safety capacity that again are interrupting patterns that we're stuck in. There's something called the default mode network in our brain where we get stuck in this repetitive loop. That's kind of. That's where you're on the hamster wheel that you can't interrupt with, oftentimes, cognitive thoughts or affirmations or willpower discipline. None of those interrupt that loop. It's like no amount of intention or any of that interrupts because it's like stuck in this pattern. These one minute interrupts cut through that. And not only are they shockingly effective and amazingly effective, actually they are fun Like. They will make you laugh, they will break up the pattern, they bring in ridiculousness and they interrupt in a way that no amount of you know. 

20:51
Just breathe deeper is going to do. Now again, if breathing helps interrupt a pattern, use it. Nothing's wrong with breathing. I love. Breathing is super important. However, this is for that stuff where it's like you're stuck, it's like I'm sick of being told to breathe deeper. That's not interrupting the pattern. 

21:07
In the course, I explain why that doesn't interrupt a lot of patterns, because there's a very good reason why it doesn't interrupt patterns and, in fact, can sometimes enforce a pattern. And two, it just doesn't work for everything. Breathing does not solve all your problems. Breathing is super useful. It doesn't solve all your problems, so I give you a whole host. It's like this buffet menu that I wasn't even planning on giving. It's this whole bonus video that I threw in because I was like, oh man, we need more. And I always want to make sure that you are feeling like you have a list of tools that you can choose from that is right for your body. 

21:43
Ultimately, I created Meet Yourself, which is the key to getting unstuck, because I've watched too many brilliant, emotionally aware people get stuck in this, untalked about peace, and again, not because they're doing it wrong, because this piece is missing from so many other things. And now more than ever, we need people like yourself who care, because if you listen to this, you are somebody who cares, chances are, if you're listening to this, you're also somebody who wants to bring more good into this world, who's rooted in moral clarity, who, and whatever, from whatever aspect that is, whether it is more on the political spectrum or it isn't just bringing more beauty in this world, or wanting a deeper connection with your family and wanting to break ancestral patterns, or wanting to help, you know, get out of chronic pain so you can go and bring your gift to the world, and whatever that looks like. We need you. We need you now more than ever and I'm going to not get on a political soapbox here, but I could maybe say that for another podcast. We need people who are willing to not just sit in their room healing themselves and also grow in capacity to tolerate more bullshit, because that's a lot of what healing work, often unintentionally is. I mean, I hope it's unintentional sometimes I don't think it's all unintentional. Get another soapbox. I will stay off for right now to keep this short-ish. We need people who are growing their capacity to get out into the world and to stand up for truth, for honesty, for moral clarity, for goodness, for what is right. We need more people who can get out who can speak up and, again, in a way that's right for you. 

23:36
No, by no means am I saying you take this work and go, like, start a political you know revolution. Maybe your role is by creating a beautiful family, by instilling values in your children. Maybe your role is creating more beauty in the world, more music, more expression. Maybe your, your role is getting out there and fighting for America and freedom and democracy, right Like. Whatever your role is, we need you. We need you, and what this will do is, if you've been feeling stuck, if you don't know how to take action, if you feel frozen, if you feel scared, all of this is going to help you meet yourself where you are and know how to take the next step forward. And if you are someone who has been, you know, listening for a while or you're brand new, and this is just really resonating. This, I mean this is for everybody. 

24:32
What I do want to say is this really is the first course that I've done in this manner where it's not some massive deep dive or one onon-one program. Most of the stuff I've offered because again I love that nuance piece has been really, really deep depths of this work. I again wanted to make this accessible. So right now the course is not officially released. It will be out on May 30th 2025 and so, for those that are willing to dive right in that know that they want this I have a special early adopter price for you. It is only $47. I have never offered anything at such a low cost for such high value. I mean, I don't know, the value is priceless. I don't know even how to put a value on it. It is a self paced course. 

25:23
Once it comes out on May 30th, you have access to the materials for lifetime. You can go through them as many times as you want. Um, I tried to make it as bite sized as possible. It's the most potent thing I ever made, because I cut through it all and I try to get rid of as much fluff or any extra information that doesn't feel useful. And it is made up of three modules that go into depth of the like understanding piece, the mindset shifts and what you need to know. And then each module has its a practice associated with it that you can then also go through and do, or so much right. It takes it, it gives you the knowing, but it gives you not just the knowing, but the actually the doing, how to implement. And then I have a bonus video again that has this buffet of nervous system interrupts and ways to rewire your system. That is just again. I'm not seeing out there enough. 

26:22
So eventually this course is going to be priced higher. I'm going to be honest and say I haven't quite decided on the price. I still always want to keep it accessible. I'm going to bump it up to $97 next. For sure it might continue to go up from there, but for right now it is $47. I do want to offer if you are listening to this, in the future I'm always going to have a special podcast listener discount. What that discount will be at the time you are listening to this in the future, I don't know. So just write in podcast in the coupon code and if there's one available, it will be available. It'll be. It'll pop up for you. Um, so go ahead, get signed up, because that price is going to go up on may 30th. 

27:11
And again, this is for the person who knows they are so close, who just needs this nudge, who not another 12 week plan, not a deep dive. If you've ever said, oh, once I move through this, if I could just move through this brick wall that's here, if I could just get unstuck, then I could. This course is for you. This is that moment. Take advantage of it now, while it is at this early adopter price before the full launch, you will get instant access. On May 30th you will get an email that will give you all the information and again, I really wanted to make this such a no-brainer for the person who is tired of waiting for the perfect moment, who is tired of feeling like they have this laundry list of things they need to heal before they can go out and live their life. 

27:53
No, the time to live life is now. Time to expand out your life is now. Let's get you unstuck so you can get out there, live your life, whatever that looks like for you, and I cannot wait to hear about that and learn what that is for you, because, again, you are not failing, you're just stuck. You're human and the way out isn't trying harder or working harder. It is meeting yourself with fierce compassion and honesty and truth over and over again. And if you're ready to do that, then go ahead, get signed up for, meet yourself, the key to getting unstuck. You can go to wwwdrandreamorecom. The course, if you scroll down, is right there ready to go, and or you can just go ahead and click the link in the show notes below. See you there. Bye.